So I was in the bathroom at work taking care of my morning ritual of expelling the demons from the previous day(s). During the course of this most vital of daily habits, I was pondering the great questions that any man does while straddling his porcelain throne.
“What will I eat for lunch?”
“Would a turtle look funny in a basketball uniform?”
“What ever happened to Fred Savage?”
“Is Winnie from Wonder Years still hot and if so isn’t it about time she did a spread somewhere?”
These and other important questions reverberated about in my skull as I made my first push into boweltastic bliss. As I looked down to admire my work, I was startled to see that my ass also seemed to want to participate.
Low and behold, a perfect question mark.
After the initial glee at seeing that my ass had finally decided to join me on my daily quest to ask the questions that keep us all up at night, I realized I must have missed the entire question. Had I paid better attention these last few bowel movements, I might have gained insight into the deep inner anal cavity thoughts my ass has been pondering over the past 27 years. Did I just miss the chance to actually converse with my own ass? I was rather saddened by the prospect of never having this opportunity again as I flushed the toilet.
Then I thought, “Maybe my ass speaks Spanish and it was an upside-down question mark and the rest of the question will appear in bowel movements further down the line.”
Now I REALLY need to learn Spanish.
More on this as it develops.
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6 comments:
yuck!...have you run out of "shit" to talk about??,i mean is it really to the point where your topics of dicussion has resorted to your extracted feces and how you can see if your poo looks like something as if you were laying on some grass and looking up into the clouds to see what you can make out of them?!as for the "pregunta" mark shaped deuce, maybe you ate some bad mexican which i doubt consider that you live in Korea...or maybe your ass just wanted to provide a visual aid for all the questions you've been pondering amongst the porcelain God...anywho, lemme know what other sculptures arise from your pooper hole, Giants win the Super Bowl, ha!
Ah, Marc. He of the really weak double entendre. I thought "yuck" was reserved for 9 year old girls and really stereotypical gay guys from San Fran?
Anyways, I'll be sure to take pictures next time and mail them to you. In fact I'll try my hardest to sculpt something that looks like you next time, which shouldn't be too difficult considering what a "turd" you are. Oh, see, I can do it too guy.
As fer da supa bowl, I kinda figured NY was gonna win. Well, at least I hoped so. Funny that a Manning kid one a super bowl ring 2 years in a row.
Oh, and actually we have On The Border out here. Pretty decent considering we are in Korea. If you ever drag your ass out here you could try it sometime.
don't be so quick with the assumption it's Marc as well for the efficient comebacks...you try too hard Mikey boy...all the abuse and you wonder why i haven't made it out to Korea yet...would the favor be done if the roles were reversed?? dwell on that next time nature calls...
Well, whoeverdisbe, I had to make the assumption it was Marc based on a few reasons.
First, as was stated in my first comment, the use of weak double entendres.
Second, and more based off this last comment, is the rather unsightly use of ellipsis.
Third, Marc represents probably 1/3rd of my blog's reader following.
Now as for my next guess as to who this is, well, I really don't have one.
If I have, in fact, invited you out to Korea, then that means you must either be in my rather small circle of friends in the states or a random person who had the pleasure of meeting me while I was inebriated. If it's the former, then you are already aware of (and probably used to) my "abuse". In which case you are just being whiny and making up yet more excuses not to visit me. If it's the latter, then sorry about getting your hopes up.
Or I guess you could be some random family member.
Which ever the case may be, in response to that last question that was posed, the answer is a definite "Yes". I like visiting people. A trait we must not share.
You have been working way too hard to think you had a conversation with your ass or is this "converation" with your ass a representation of someone else?
As far as the Mexican food. He's in Korea and like a lot foreign countries, the likelihood is pretty good since they would like to promote tourism. Like Mike said it's Toco Bell. If it's crap food here, it must be worst there.
Umm... yeah. So Mike, if you're done conversing with yourself (the "anonymous" tag isn't fooling anyone - we know the truth ;P) then allow me to take a stab at What's Eating Mikey Felk:
“What will I eat for lunch?”
I see a tasty BLT sangwich on rye in your near future... oh wait, that's me.
“Would a turtle look funny in a basketball uniform?”
You do know that the mascot of my alma mater is a terrapin, right? That being said, I'll have to look around for what pictures I have of mascots dressed up and let you be the judge. ;P
“What ever happened to Fred Savage?”
Apparently not too much, but forget that- what the hell kinda name is Savage? Does that make him related to the Macho Man, "uncle Randy"? I'd have to say OOOOOOoo YEEEah!!!
“Is Winnie from Wonder Years still hot and if so isn’t it about time she did a spread somewhere?”
Yes and yes:
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2483854080/nm0005211
PS: a search also brings up her Maxim/Stuff spreads if you're interested, which I know you are. She's no Jessica Alba, but still tasty.
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