Korean Train Card

Riding the trains in Seoul is a generally pleasant experience in my opinion. For many years I swore by the train system here and used it to basically get me anywhere I was going. I think I went a solid 3 years without ever taking a bus. However, since my move 6 months ago, I've found that I am always taking buses and rarely hop on the train anymore. I guess I'm a bit nostalgic about the whole thing.

Unlike some of the stories you may hear from people who ride the train in Seoul, I can only think of one bad experience while riding them and it involved an old drunk guy at 9am. Outside of that I can count a few weird experiences and perhaps a few interesting ones but most of the time being on a train here meant I was in for a pretty mundane experience.

One of the interesting/flat out funny things I ran into on the train, and the center of this post, is a little card that I found a guy hanging up in the corners of posters one fine Tuesday morning while I on my way to work. I've actually had this card for probably about a year so I guess posting about it now goes hand in hand with my general level of procrastination when it comes to this blog.

In any case, here are pictures of both sides of the card:

For those who lack Korean abilities, allow me to translate the important portions of this card. First, the big letters in the middle read "Marry a North Korean (Woman)." Some of the other important parts read "We guarantee they'll have strong home values and attractive features." They also repeat a phrase at the bottom left "남남복녀" which is an old belief (I'm not sure how prevalant it is today) that the best marriages happen between a South Korean male and a North Korean woman. Finally, we end with the fact that you have the option of picking woman between their 20s and 60s.

Now this isn't too strange to me to be honest. I've seen these kinds of advertisements before and not just for North Korean woman but also for Vietnamese woman and Cambodian woman. What made me pick up this card and keep it in my wallet for the last year is the back side of the card which looks like this:


Basically the top just reads "Believe in Jesus our savior!" and the line underneath it reads "..and you and your family will secure salvation." I won't get into translating the block text as its just a quote from the bible but here is the funny part. Look at the phone numbers from both sides of the card. It's the same phone number!

So basically, you can call this one number and either get yourself a hot, spankin' new North Korean wife or get some Christian consultation. Maybe you can do both at the same time? I'm working up the courage to call this number and see what its all about but I don't think I could contain myself from laughing as soon as they picked up. What could their company greeting be?

"Hello, you've reached Jesus's North Korean Wife placement service. Red or repent department?"

Make up your own.

The Beginning of the End - Seoul Version

No, I haven't completely forsaken my blog though I'm sure one might think so since there hasn't been a new post in almost 4 months. What can I say? I'm good at pretending I'm busy.

So let's see, what's happened since the end of November?

My trip home for all of December was copacetic as usual. Since I had a full month this time and not 2 weeks like usual I didn't have my normal whirlwind of activities that always resulted in my going back feeling more tired than when I left. This time I spent the first full week recovering from jet lag and relaxing while watching the dark circles under my eyes slowly dissipate. Some things stayed the same as usual (hanging out with family, getting trashed with friends) and some things were new and different (having the lady visit for 2 weeks from Korea, meeting old classmates from grammar school) but overall, it was a nice, relaxing visit. Spending Christmas time at home for the first time since 2004 was also pretty nice because I forgot how nice a real Christmas tree in your home can look when its not 1 1/2 feet tall and covered with dust. I'm thinking I might actually try to squeeze down there again for this Christmas so I'll see how it goes.

Other than that, its been mostly getting back into work and acclimating myself to my new role. I've been promoted to manager (과장) and so I must now take on the added responsibility that that title brings. Granted, this is a seniority-based promotion (meaning my hard work means diddly squat) and though I disagree with the methods in place for performance based reviews and work merit, that is a long series of posts reserved for another day. In the meantime I'll bask in the fact that I've managed to work here for so long without killing anyone.

A few weeks ago I got a small break from work and went to Tokyo for 5 days as is my habit for birthdays lately. I ended up hanging out with Doug and showing my friend Carl around before he went back state-side. Needless to say my liver was pretty spent upon my return. Gotta love Tokyo.

Finally, I have decided the next step I'm going to take after Korea, along with my significant other. After living out the rest of 2010 here in Seoul I will be moving back to Tokyo for an as-yet undetermined amount of time (probably a year). I decided a long while ago that 2010 would be my last year here in Seoul and though I will miss the country, people and friends I have here, I've decided that 6 1/2 years is quite long enough. There is too much of a draw for me to return to Tokyo and would like to spend some more time there before the willingness to live in another country besides my own leaves me. I will post more on this as things move along. In the meantime, I plan on enjoying my last full round of 4 seasons here in Seoul.

At least my blog title can still stay "Secret Asian Man".

Chicago Trip Part IV

Almost a solid 3 months since my last post. 2009 hasn't been a great year for my blog so I guess I'll need to see if I can step it up moving into 2010.

The first new thing that happened so far since my last post is that I've moved fully into my new apartment. It was kind of sad to leave my Hongdae apartment of 3 years but at the same time I felt I needed something bigger. And I got it. The new place is roughly 3 1/2 times the size of my old apartment and comes with a full roof that only I use. The other good news is that it didn't cost much more than the old place and is actually closer to work. All in all I think it was a good move. I'll post pictures of the place once I get a new camera so I'm assuming you understand that it won't happen anytime soon.

Other than settling into the new digs, I've just been getting accustomed to my new area and working at the company as usual. The new area offers a wider spectrum of foreign restaurants and is situated more in the central of Seoul so I now have equidistant access to every part of the city. One of the negatives is that I drink more than I probably should in my new surroundings but I attribute that mostly to being able to see friends I normally haven't been able to meet so often.

Work has been keeping me busy as usual. Along with the normal bevy of reports, presentations, trainings and whatnot, I've been focusing on raising sales for the year end budget to pad my numbers. I'm also looking at a promotion in March and will officially be a manager. Besides all that's going on, the winds of change are starting to blow again and 2010 is looking to be a year of big changes for me careerwise. More on this as it develops.

This brings us finally to the title of the post-- my latest upcoming trip to Chicago. After what will prove to be a trying 10 days of work, work and more work, I will be flying back home for the longest vacation I've had since 2006 when I first started this blog. I'll be back from December 4th until January 1st and I'm looking forward to spending time with the family and friends. Considering I'll have a full month this time, I expect to also be able to get some much needed relaxation time in as well. I'm thinking I'll use this blog as a mini-schedule keeper for me in a future blog post so I can keep track of my plans.

Pics and vids to follow.

Moving and Other Updates

So I'm down to averaging less than a post per month in 2009.

I'm not going to continue to make excuses for my lack of posting because its getting too monotonous though I will say that once a few things are off my plate, I hope to get back to more regular posting. In retrospect, I think that one of the main reasons I've been posting so infrequently this year is due to a lack of any sort of focus for the blog itself. I've been debating turning this into something that has more of a focus on some aspect of Korea (and Asia in general) that I am interested in so we'll see what's on the horizon for that. I'm thinking something a little less covered in the general Korean blogosphere and I'm definitely staying away from the general social critiques and news bits because the market is flooded with that already. I'm always up for ideas.

As far as updates go, the first big news is that I'm moving out of my one-room in Hongdae after 3 years into much bigger digs in Noksapyeong. The moving date is Sept 10th and I've got a lot of prep to do and loose ends to tie up. It's kind of sad moving out of Hongdae since I've been living there for so long and it is, without a doubt, a very fun and interesting place to live but I guess its time to move on. I'll post pics of the new place after I get settled.

Other than that, I've confirmed my trip home for the entire month of December. While I'm thinking I might spend about a total of a week of that time stopping by friends in Tokyo and LA, even with that time cut out this will be the longest I've been home since I left for Seoul again back in 2005. It's also going to be the first Christmas I've had at home since 2004 so meeting family and friends should be pleasant. Only 3 months left till that goes down.

Work is work and always will be I guess. I've actually got a mid year review in about an hour or so where I get to listen to my boss tell me about my perceived strengths and weaknesses while I do the same for her and the company. Overall it should be fun and I'm pretty sure I'm in good graces due to my really, really good sales numbers thus far this year. I guess we'll see what happens.

As I said, I hope to get back to posting more often after I finish moving so to all three people who still routinely follow my blog: I ask for just a little more patience. Thanks.

Wow, really?

I turn my back for what felt like a moment and it's already been a month and a half since my last post? Jeez, talk about slacking.

Okay, so I'll keep this update short and try to get back to my recapping of the first half of '09 over the weekend. Since I no longer have a camera I'm a little short of pics but I'll try to snatch some off of facebook to make up for it.

On the work front I've been in contract negotiations and renegotiations for the last month or so and I'm trying to gauge whether or not its in my best interests to stay at my company. Talks have been somewhat fruitful but there still remains much to be discussed and the clock is slowly ticking on the last 4 months of my contract. Hopefully we can come to an solution within the next month so I can at least start mapping out the next few years of my life. Will I be here in Korea 2010? Will I be back in the US? Will I be somewhere completely new? The next few months should help me find my answer. Stay tuned for updates.

Outside of that, I've been getting out a lot with friends lately as is my tradition in the summer months. I've attended a few birthday parties, a few random gatherings and will soon be going to my annual round of farewell parties as some of my teacher friends begin their inevitable treks home. I haven't done as much travelling as I would have liked but hopefully the end of this month (Jeju-do?) and next month (Japan?) will remedy that. I also hope to get a few more Han River gatherings and barbecues in as well. I hope to be posting pictures soon.

So until the weekend, that's my update.

Fuck You, Freddy Krueger

This is a break in my 6 month recap quest and for a very good reason.

Background:

I was engaged in deep conversation with Liam over a beer as has been frequently happening lately and we were discussing some of the finer questions in life such as:

"If you could murder 3 people and get away with it, who would they be?"
"If you could be friends with 5 fictional characters, who would they be?"
etc.

So while talking about these oh deepest of questions, we went off on some random tangent and somehow got on the topic of Freddy Krueger.

Freddy Krueger used to scare the shit out of me when I was a kid. I don't exactly remember why but the cheese grater face and sharp knives probably had something to do with it. I hadn't spend a single iota of time in the past 15 years thinking about him until yesterday and now that I've given him some proper thought at my adult age, I've decided that Freddy Krueger is a dick.

Who the fuck attacks people after they go to sleep? That's a real bitch move. I come home from a long day at work, spend a few short moments entertaining myself, and as soon as I go to sleep, BAM!, some fuck with scissor fingers and a Dennis the Menace adult size sweater pops out and kills me. I can't even get a little REM sleep? Really? You, my friend, are a dick. Grow some balls and try to kill me when I'm awake or better yet, when I'm on my way to work. At least then you helped me out a little.

Conclusion:

Fuck you, Freddy Kreuger.

Christmas '08 Recap

Christmas is traditionally when people gather together with family and/or friends to eat, drink and be merry.


When you are an expat it's pretty much the same except your friends take the spot of your family and a lot more emphasis is put on the "drink" aspect.


Such was my 2008 Christmas.


Me and some friends managed to don our gay apparel and do some caroling around the major areas of Seoul and made about 60,000 Won in 20 minutes to donate to the Salvation Army. The reason for only doing it for about 20 minutes was because we kept getting kicked out of locations by angry security guards with no penises. After that, we went out and celebrated.

At the tree in Samsung Station

Close up of at the tree in Samsung Station

In the subway, waiting for the train

Awesome and Creepy. The bro-chain me, dude-wife and Glen are making is the best.


Now, while this didn't happen on Christmas Day (I explained my actual Christmas in a previous post), when I think of "Christmas 2008" these are the memories that pop in my head.

Lallygaggin'

That's essentially what I've been doing so far in 2009 in regards to my blog.

I'm not going to lie, there have been times where I have considered scrapping this internet ego-stroke altogether and given the frequency of my posts lately I'm sure some of you probably thought I've done just that.

Well, I haven't. Not yet anyways.

In an attempt to catch up to where I should be, I'm going to put up a series of posts about the last six months or so and probably glaze over things I may have posted about already. These may or may not contain pictures but I will add them when necessary.

I will be starting out with a new breakdown of Christmas 2008 and work my way forward until I get to present day May including my most recent trip to Japan. Hopefully I can get dude wife to post his Chicago pics by late this week.

Expect quick succession people!

So in the meantime, enjoy this video of me jumping into the pool at Club Ageha in Tokyo.

An Example of Problem Solving at a Korean Company

Technically its an American company that I work at but when 99% of the workforce are Koreans, I guess its pretty safe to say they are adopting the "when in Rome.." line of cultural relativism pretty well.



(I hate that line by the way)



In any case, here is a recent, personal example of how sometimes problems get "resolved" within a Korean company. Not to perpetuate any blanket stereotypes but when statistical evidence shows your country has the longest work hours of any industrialized country in the world while only barely hanging in the middle half of productivity, you've got some efficiency issues.

So, we've recently started a campaign called "Happy Wednesday" (yeah, I know) here at the ol' company. Essentially it's an attempt at culling some of the extremely obnoxious hours that some of us work here by telling us that no matter what, we have to go home on Wednesdays by 5pm. The first week it came into action we were actually told that the lights were going to be turned out on us by 5:30.

Yeah, so let me process this through my limited mental facilities.

Instead of attacking the REAL issues as to why we have so much work to begin with, we are just being told that no matter what, we have to go home at 5pm. We have to tell our clients this (Leave at 5pm?!?! Inconceivable!) and also magically make our work disappear for the day. If for some reason we get past all of the managers telling us to shoo and end up working past 5pm anyways, we need to get a special form endorsed by three separate managing entities. I don't know about you but to me this seems pretty shitheaded.

Let's discuss the realities of this campaign.

1) It was obviously cooked up by HR, a group who is routinely involved in making decisions about things they have no idea about.
2) It really does nothing but push the work load from one day to another essentially making people now have to work later during the other days of the week or on the weekend.
3) It addresses the real issues behind the obnoxious workload by....ignoring them.
4) Is something I suspect was created so they could put up a bunch of dumb yellow posters with smiley faces all over the office with the words "Happy ____" on them.
5) Is obviously completely fucking stupid.

Too add to this, not 2 days after the first week of this goes by I hear this conversation:

Manager type: "Hey, how is everything going?"
Grunt type: "Oh hey, pretty well. Just trying to finish this up and get out of here on time today."
Manager type: "On time? It isn't Happy Wednesday you know."

Yeah.

First post of 2009 in March

Yeah, I'm a douchebag.

Now that we got that out of our system, let's move on.

So lots of stuff has been happening since the last time I updated back around Christmas. I don't have a lot of time to get into too much detail so here is an abbreviated list:

*Christmas Eve was kind of balls to the walls with drinking so I spent most of Christmas Day nursing a hangover and eventually watched the new "The Day the Earth Stood Still". One of the most horrible movies I've ever seen. You have brought shame on us part-asian-but-still-look-white guys with that one, Keanu.

*New Years in Busan was great fun. Though some 14 of us ended up freezing our asses off at the heater-less hotel room the first night after coming in at 7am from the clubs, the second night in the uber-pimp new hotel room more than made up for it. I love sashimi.

*New team and new opportunities at work. I now head up "Global Services" which gives me a great chance to make some new sales. I've been doing just that with about fifty grand worth of new sales so far since January. New ideas currently brewing for work, will post more after I've implemented them.

*First basketball game of the new year and bam! re-dislocated my left pinky finger. Fuck you ball. It is currently shaped like a pig tail and actually set me back about 2 months for lifting since I couldn't grip anything. Of course I used that as an excuse to stop going to the gym altogether and have managed to gain back a little of my former belly. Nothing like a little extra padding for the cold months. I'll get back into it after my trip home.

*Trip to Japan for my birthday with Micah. Managed to meet up my bro and thanks to Doug's hospitality had a nice place to sleep and shower every night. The big night out was Saturday when we did the all you can eat/drink boat ride, all you can drink karaoke and Club Ageha, the biggest club in Asia. Doug has a video of me jumping into the roof pool so bug him for the links after he posts it. Of course my brother in his infinite wisdom decided to go out, waste all of his battery power trying to call us at 8 in the morning and then make me, Doug and Micah come to him while calling my Mom and asking her to call me. Douche nozzle. Despite his best efforts, we finally managed to meet up and lo and behold, he has 11,000 yen in his pocket. For those of you who don't know, 11,000 yen is nowhere near enough money to have a good night out in Tokyo so of course big bro had to spot him. All in all a great time. Thanks to all for coming out and extra special thanks to ol' felkface Doug for letting us crash.

*My B-day/Micah's going away party. I wanted to have another party in Seoul for my birthday and since dude wife was leaving we decided to mash the two together. We made it a "silver suit" party since Korea is the only place that still sells these abortions from the 80s. Here is the result of that:

Uber-pimp, I know. From left: Dude wife, Glen, Drew, Shaun, Me, Kevin and Dave.

It's sad to see another friend of mine leave Korea but I've been there and done that so many times now its become routine. The party was probably the best one we've had when you include all of the efforts for the look so we sent ol' Micah back with style. Cheers to us.

* Next week: Back to Chicago!

I'll post more once I get back. Until then, look at this:

Merry Christmas 2008

Merry Christmas everyone. Have a safe and happy holidays as we await the coming 2009 year.

I hope you are looking forward to it as much as I am.

So I've been busy

I know I have a lot of photos and stories I am still behind on so I hope to get one or two of those out of the way this coming weekend when work dies down. I still haven't posted on my trip down to Muido and that happened like 3 months ago now. Jeez. I'll get on it soon, I promise.

So anyways, 2008 is almost over and I still can't believe how fast it went by. I guess my routine lately hasn't given me too much time to sit back and reflect on all that happened this year but I'm looking forward to two 4-day weekends coming up around Christmas so hopefully there will be some time then. I was planning on going home for Christmas but a combination of a horrible exchange rate and dickweed clients has made me put off my trip home yet again. This time I'm thinking I won't get home until April-ish.

Why April? Well, allow me to elucidate my fiendish plan for the first 1/3rd of 2009.

First, starting in January I will be attending Korean language courses in the evening during the weekdays. Since I haven't officially studied any Korean in over 2 years, I thought it was about time to finally get some sort of certification and actually improve my language abilities in ways besides bullshitting with co-workers and arguing with old guys. The program runs until the end of March and I'm hoping that it will at least bolster what I already know. We'll see I guess.

Second, my work schedule will remain the same for the most part with the exception of adding a couple clients and dropping a couple more. I probably won't see too much of a workload increase but I have been wrong before. 2009 is going to be all about managing time for work since I'll have to leave at 5:30 sharp every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday to get to classes on time and won't be able to work any of that wonderful, unpaid overtime on those days. I guess it just means I'll be making it up on the weekends behind my trusty little laptop. Yay.

On top of work and classes, I've also realized that if I want to continue exercising like I have been I'll have to switch from evenings to morning at the gym. This means I have to drag my tired ass out of bed at 6am sharp if I want to go at all. Considering the fact I have rarely gotten up before 7:30am this past 2 years, I guess I need to start working on that now. Damn.

Add to these three activities my ability to get sidetracked by things like reading, fooling around on the internet and occasionally throwing everything up in the air with a big "fuck it" and going out with friends, I'm in for a much busier lifestyle for the first three-four months of 2009.

Did I say I've been busy? Shit, I guess I'm just getting started.

Halloween 2008 - The Monarch

I present to you my 2008 Halloween costume. I dare you to find me a better The Monarch, I dare you. If you don't know the Venture Brothers yet, you best to educate yourself.




I have made it my vow to win every Halloween costume contest in Seoul from now on. I'm sure I could have won this year if I could have made it to the judging in time. That leaves a whole year to plot...

More pics to follow.

No Chorus

I haven't been able to add many pictures lately since I've lost my camera but I plan on posting a whole montage of the last few months on Sunday. It will be composed of pics from friends' facebook postings and will show what I've been up to since late-summer.

The pic events included will be:

1) Trip to Muido from Chuseok
2) Dave's Wedding
3) This coming Halloween party
4) Random spots around Seoul where cool pictures were taken

I guess that about sums it up so be on the look out come Sunday.

*Note: From now on, whenever I can't think of a good title for a blog posting, I'm going to call it one of my favorite rap tracks from back in the day. That should open the door to literally thousands of title choices so I'm not stuck thinking about them anymore. If you can correctly guess what it is, I'll buy you a drink.

I'm regretting this already

I rarely check my gmail account. Mainly due to the fact that I have an msn, yahoo, aol and work email account, I've probably checked it 3 times in the past 4 years. So today, out of sheer morbid curiousity, I logged in to see what I had going on in there. Now since the only thing I run out of my gmail account is this blog (jappy.chan@gmail.com, clever I know) the only mails I found in it are related to it.

So lets see...

I've missed 3 job offers from random headhunters in the past 7 months who happened to stumble upon my blog and find out a)I'm a young American living in Korea and b) I work at a professional job. Some of the offers weren't that bad but honestly, based on the above credentials, is that really enough to want to offer me a job? Really? If so, I like the chances I have once I do decide to once again test the job market. Fingers big and crossed.

I received a mail from some place called VerveEarth which apparently wants to start a site where you can look up blogs by geographical location. This is a cool idea I guess but there are several, far more well maintained, useful blogs in this country and I wouldn't want to take up space. I'll keep it in mind in case this blog evolves sometime in the future. (Hint: not likely)

Finally, I found the gem and the very reason for the title of this entry. This email was so good I have to copy and paste it verbatim:

I came across ur blog w/ a goggle search for "gay Korea." Are u indeed a gay Russian in Korea? Sometime searches are weird.... and the content is even weirder ;)... I taught in Daejeon last year, looking for a good ticket Seoul this year--any tips?...

--Kevin

Okay, take your moment to laugh.

Finished?

Okay.

Now, I obviously had a few new things to ponder in my brain trove after this doozy of an email.

First, why google search "gay Korea"? Besides the obvious reasons, I'm just thinking there are special sites that already cater to that. I mean, when I'm in the mood for porn believe me when I say I've already got a bunch of sites lined up to go to when I click that browser. So why google search? Moving on.

Second, how the hell did he come up with a gay Russian living in Korea from my blog? Okay, living in Korea is easy, I'm pretty sure I've mentioned dealing with my client in Russia a couple times, but gay? Besides all the times it's popped up in this entry, how many times have I written the word "gay" on this blog? It must have been to describe some sort of gathering I attended but didn't enjoy or I was talking about Glen.

Finally, how creepy was that winking eye emoticon? I mean really, even if I were gay, you'd have to make a much better attempt at being flirtatious than that Kevin. Seriously. And this is coming from the guy who's best pick up line is "So, I've got 10 gigs of Looney Tunes on my computer at home, care to partake"?

Ouch

For those of you not in Korea who don't know, while the US economy (the global economy for that matter) is in shambles at the moment, the exchange rate here has been taking quite a hit. In the past 4 days alone the exchange rate for the dollar has increased by over 200 won.

A personal account:

Back in 2007 I sent money home to my account in the US. The exchange rate was 948 Won to the Dollar. The exchange rate today closed at 1,395 Won to the Dollar. That means sending home 1,000,000 Won last year got me about $1,055. If I sent that same amount home today I would get me $717.

Like I said, ouch.

Awesome

I love it at about 11 seconds in when he chases after the police. One would think at least one of them would have thought to deliver a swift kick to his generously exposed crotch area. Oh well.

Something tells me this will be Doug in like 15 years after he runs out of other outrageous stuff to do over in Japan.

10,000 won to the first foreign dude to this somewhere in Korea...

More fun with Babelfish

This time, instead of getting a few laughs at the expense of friends, I decided to make a little quiz of sorts. Below are 10 lines quoted directly from famous (and some not so famous) movies that have been translated from English into Korean and then back into English through Babelfish. Some of them are pretty easy, some of them aren't. Let's see who can guess the correct quote and the movie it came from.

(Bonus points if you can tell me the actor/actress who said it.)

Let the game begin.

1. "Frankly, is valuable, does not give an imprecation"
2. "He will can refuse I to him and provided"
3. "I go against and until former times i ascend, is having i will always become and the shaft and"
4. "Me convey the welfare in the small friend"
5. "You stand about the wall and to be you say! where I say and your this i listen closely with! where"
6. "Is the first time rule of the combatant club and - you do not speak about the combatant club"
7. "In order calling who you? The ghost the person whom destroys"
8. "The trick which is most serious was understanding the world where demoniac he which comes to pull until now does not exist"
9. "The boy is a quality where the penis and the young girl are furnishing"
10. "You killed prepare the fact that dies my father."

Mandatory Gift Giving

The one thing that has continually pissed me off while working my office job here in Korea (besides the fact that probably less than 30% of the males in my company wash their hands after they use the facilities) is the stupid mandatory gift giving that goes on so often.

Essentially we have a group of about 30 people who constitute my larger team. If its someone's birthday we all have to pool money to pick up the person a gift which varies in price depending on the level of the person. What happens is we get one of the interns or new people to the group to handle collection of the funds which, once again, is set based on the person's position. So in the end, I end up plunking out about 40-70,000 won per month ($40-$70) on this kind of stuff. In the end I'm spending close to a grand a year on this mandatory "show of gratitude" and it gets on my nerves.

I think the reason it pisses me off so much is because its mandatory. I also have the snot-nosed little interns chasing me around and nickel and diming me to death whenever its time to ante up. It probably wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't just a huge charade.

Damn cockgobblers.

My Official 2008-2009 NBA Predictions

Even though the NFL season just started and I joined a fantasy football league just a week ago, I still can't help but think about the upcoming NBA season (which starts in less than a month) and what's going to go down this year. I've never done a breakdown like this on paper (or in this case, on blog) but bear with me as I try to give my analysis on the coming season.

Eastern Conference

It was cool to see an Eastern Conference team win it all again last year (even if it was Boston) but this season it looks like the east will be even tougher. The 76ers are on the rise after adding Elton Brand (and Donyell Marshall) and keeping all of their crew from last year's playoff team. The Cavs ended up getting Mo Williams which is a great move for them and there was a lot of other player swapping between some of the mid-level teams during the offseason. Here is how I see the breakdown:

Atlantic Division

1st) Boston Celtics (so they lost Posey, but they did add Darius Miles which could be good)
2nd) Philadelphia 76ers (as I said, this team is going to kick some ass next year)
3rd) Toronto Raptors (nice add in Jermaine O'Neal, too bad they aren't in another division)
4th) New Jersey Nets (got rid of Jefferson, that is gonna cost them)
5th) New York Knicks (new coach and........yeah)

Central Division

1st) Cleveland Cavaliers (Lebron plus MoWill is going to be formidable, just hope they add that big man)
2nd) Detroit Pistons (I think this is the season age catches up with them, they will probably make some trades before the deadline)
3rd) Milwaukee Bucks ( added Jefferson from New Jersey so hopefully Villenueva steps the game up and Michael Redd isn't injured all the time)
4th) Chicago Bulls (even this might be pushing it but I really think Derrick Rose is going to be an all star in a few years)
5th) Indiana Pacers (I hate Reggie Miller and his stupid face)

Southeast Division

1st) Orlando Magic (Dwight Howard is a beast, there is nobody stopping this man underneath)
2nd) Washington Wizards (this is based on the fact that Gilbert Arenas, Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison all stay healthy, if they perform they might even take 1st)
3rd) Miami Heat (this team is potentially dangerous, Dwayne Wade is my favorite player in the NBA right now and when he is on, he is ALL day. If Beasley adds right away, and I'm sure he will, and Marion starts playing like he did in Phoenix, they will surprise people)
4th) Atlanta Hawks (I like their team and all but they got lucky most teams in this division were screwed because of injuries last year. Go Al Harford)
5th) Charlotee Bobcats (fuck an Emeka)

Western Conference

This conference is down right nuts. 50 win teams aren't even a guarantee to the playoffs and despite some of the talent moving east, its still rough to say they are anywhere close to being even yet. Some of the really good teams got even better (Houston, Portland) and some teams just switched their whole damn roster around (Clippers, Warriors). This is the conference to watch for some bad-ass, old school type games.

Southeast Division

1st) New Orleans Hornets (my favorite team last year added Posey but lost Pargo, I might be being biased here but Paul for MVP this year)
2nd) Houston Rockets (they added Artest-- if Luis Scola plays like he did in the Olympics and McGrady and Ming don't sit out 95 games, shit could hit the fan)
3rd) San Antonio Spurs (2003, 2005, 2007, 2009?....no I don't think so)
4th) Dallas Mavericks (Save Dirk and Josh Howard, burn the rest of em)
5th) Memphis Grizzlies (Marc Gasol is a beast and I think they also have the rights to Ricky Rubio in '10 (?) so maybe in like 4 years they'll be somewhere)

Northwest Division

1st) Utah Jazz (this is based purely on the skill of Deron Williams)
2nd) Portland Trail Blazers (I really, really wanted to put them first because I think Greg Oden is gonna be really good and they got a lot of other young talented bastards)
3rd) Denver Nuggets (they lost Camby in the STUPIDEST way possible but I have a new found love for Carmelo Anthony after watching him almost bitch slap Oberto in the Olympics final)
4th) Minnesota Timberwolves (the funny thing is, i wouldn't put them any higher than this even if they still had Kevin Garnett)
5th) Oklahoma City Thunder (yeah, ummm...who's on this team again? oh yeah Kevin Durant...whatever)

Pacific Division

1st) Los Angeles Lakers (Kobe is unstoppable when he's motivated and with a healthy Bynum, Gasol and Odom, this team is probably headed to the finals again)
2nd) Phoenix Suns (I would love to see them play San Antonio in the playoffs again)
3rd) Los Angeles Clippers (Call me crazy but I really think this team is going to be good this year even though like 90% of their players weren't on the team last season)
4th) Golden State Warriors (I love this team's energy but I don't see Corey Maggette making up for the loss of Baron Davis in their offense)
5th) Sacramento Kings (Sorry Kevin Martin but I do hope I land you in fantasy basketball again this season...)

So there we have it. My prediction on the NBA season. This of course will change during mid-season if there are any major roster shake-ups (there will be) but as they stand now, this is how I see things going down.

I'll post my play-off predictions after the all-star game.

Debate away.