Last post of the year (probably)

Well, I hope everyone had a good Christmas.

I’m sure most of you didn’t get any snow, but what the hell, I’m sure in about 50 years or so there won’t be any so enjoy whatever you do get when you get it. I didn’t get any snow either but at least I got to make some wonderful Christmas tacos with the girlfriend. I capped my Christmas night off with a little drinking session involving myself, Jayce and Nate which ended at my house drinking soju and playing NBA Live. I realized when I woke up on Monday morning that this would be my first year ever without some sort of Christmas break. It’s pretty crazy to have to sit back and reflect on your life in terms of Christmas vacations. Maybe lame is a better word. At least I got Monday off.

Now we turn to New Year’s, the last and first holiday of the year. I don’t think I’ve had a sober one in a long time, but this year seems like that might finally happen. I actually have a half-day on Friday and Monday off, so this will be the longest weekend I will get until I take my vacation in September. More than likely I will spend it in my house lounging around. My ambition knows no boundaries.

I’ve noticed a few things floating around out there in cyberspace recently and felt the need to comment about some of them.

First, the last Harry Potter finally has been named and the title is: “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows”. I kind of wish she would have named it something more funny but whatever. Guess the title “Harry Potter Does Hogwarts” would give the religious nuts one more reason to try to ban the book. Personally I would have named it “Harry Potter and the Haha There Is No Seventh Book” and it would have consisted of only page containing a photo copy of my ass. I will be reading it when it comes out though, just like everyone else on the planet.

There seems to be a lot of movies that are somehow connected to childhood memories coming out. The new Rocky movie, the Transformers movie, the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, the new Fantastic Four movie (with Silver Surfer and Galactus!), and probably a few others I haven’t heard about. More than likely, I will see all of them at some point just for the nostalgic value. Two movies I would like to see happen would be the Dragon Ball movie (you saw Matrix 3, they could do it) and a Superman movie that has Doomsday in it.

Yes, I am a complete nerd.

Well, guess that’s it for this week’s post so I will leave you with a few pictures to peruse. Enjoy.












Christmas tacos!!




The Christmas Tree in Sichong, near my house





Dave assumes his battle position. By that I mean passes-out-and-gets-screwed-with position.


A totally irrelevant picture, Kon from Bleach. (俺と一緒に連れて行きやがれ!) Kon rules.

Merry Christmas

Here it is, my Christmas post, enjoy.

This is my second Christmas in a row spent in the great country that is South Korea and I’m sure people are curious as to how Christmas is celebrated here.

Honestly, if you were to walk around downtown areas of Seoul, you probably wouldn’t notice too much of a difference from what it’s like back home. There are tons of Christmas trees and decorations everywhere and some of the big company buildings have gigantic neon signs hoisted on them. It looks almost identical to what Christmas looks like in Japan. There are, however, a few notable differences since about a third of the Korean population is Christian and will actually be attending church during the holidays and there are no “Christmas cakes” here. As for the media aspect of Christmas here, you won’t find too many Christmas movies on T.V. but you will definitely see lots of images that capture the aesthetics of the season. If you want a peek at what Christmas looks like in Japan, visit my friend Doug’s site since he has taken the time to lay it out a bit on his blog, something I lack the energy (and time) to do. Anyways, it’s as easy to feel the holiday mood here as it is back home.

Me and the Charlie Brown Tree

Now for my thoughts on Christmas.

I remember back when I was a child and all I cared about was gifts. Yes, I was a spoiled little brat (probably still am in some ways) and I only understood the meaning of Christmas as “must hoard toys”. As I got older, I started to take Christmas gatherings for granted and mostly looked forward to it because it meant I was on break from school. Back then my grandfather used to sit down next to the Christmas tree and pass out presents to me and all of my family while wearing a Santa hat. It’s times when I think about that memory that I miss him the most (that and when I reminisce over the finger scar he “bestowed” upon me). Even though I was mostly dragged into the commercialism of the holiday and brief break from school it provided, there was always a lingering voice in the back of my head that constantly reminded me that these holiday seasons are important. How important I wouldn’t figure out until much later and in actuality, I am still trying to grasp at it in many ways.

I have now spent something like 4 Christmases away from home. That’s enough for anyone to understand why my feelings towards Christmas have changed the last few years. While I’ve kept the core ideals behind the holiday in my heart, the actual practice of celebrating it has changed quite a bit. Most of the Christmases spent abroad have involved me carousing with friends and generally being caught up in the party aspect of the holiday while quietly missing my family and friends. While I treasure the memories of those Christmases spent with new friends and faces immensely, there was always something that reminded me that I wasn’t home. Perhaps it was that lingering voice again.

I guess the point of this was to let people, those who have the opportunity to spend the holiday season at home with friends and family, know that they should feel blessed for that one reason alone, because believe me, I would trade almost anything to be in your shoes.

So for all of my friends and family reading this, I want you to know that I miss you all very much and I wish you all a very safe and happy holiday season.

From da hart, from da hart.

Michael

Snow In Korea

What the hell, let’s make humpdays my official post day.

I may or may not post something on other days but feel free to check/comment whenever time allows you to.

So, today was big presentation part 2 (2 ½ if you want to count the last one I second-chaired for) and it was the most important one I have done thus far. This time it was for ING Life, an insurance company and the pressure was on. Not only was the Managing Director from the company there (all the way from wherever the hell he’s from, I think Belgium) but so was my big boss, the big boss of the Korean branch, and all of the other board members. I was expecting to do about a 25 minute presentation on their ethics management implementation but two minutes before it started I was told it had to be cut down to 10 minutes. Imagine my excitement. Now I had to cut down a report that had already been cut down and leave only the meatiest of the meat all with two minutes of prep time. I don’t think I did as well as the first presentation but everyone seemed satisfied, especially my big boss, who was the person I wanted to impress anyways. All in all, it was stressful as hell but I made out in the end. I guess that’s the important part.

Damn I need a drink.

As for updates, nothing of great importance has happened this past week except I have finally put up my Christmas tree (all 2 ½ feet of it) with the help of my girlfriend. I plan on posting pictures before the end of this week so check back in for those on Friday when I hope to have my official Christmas post.

Oh yeah, and it snowed here on Saturday. Some of the biggest, most fluffy flakes I have ever seen. Me and the boys had some fun chucking snowballs at each other. I even made a miniature snowbaby on the hood of some guy’s car. I hope nobody snow-aborted it. I was pretty drunk, but nowhere near as drunk as George who went outside the bar and started chucking snowballs at random people even with his sandals on. Then, some guy who we were thinking about beating up because he kept staring at us ended up being one of the coolest guys I have met in awhile. He ended up being able to speak some Japanese, so I got to have the drunken Japanese conversation I’ve been looking for. Yay for me. So all in all, not such an eventful week, but fun nonetheless.

Keep checking for my Christmas update.

Thank Gonzo It's Friday

I love Fridays.

All other days of the week should slit their wrists because they will never measure up to the greatness that is Friday. Well, Saturday is cool too I guess.

So, another week at work ends which means the usual bevy of questions. What will I do? Who will I meet? Where will I go? What should I eat?

Figuring these questions out is only some of the fun Fridays bring.

On the technology front, I plan on getting my new cell phone this weekend which should be pretty kickass. It’s going to cost about 800 dollars but since I am signing an 18-month contract with them, I can spread it out over that time so it will cost me about 40 or so a month. It’s a pretty awesome phone. It has a turnable screen so I can watch TV on it, a pretty good digital camera (the coolest thing is the photo option), an MP3 player, a blender, and I can even use it as a phone. Pretty cool, huh? Okay, I was lying about the blender part. I should also be picking up my computer soon which will add a whole new dimension of fun to the house. Finally, I have about 60 hours now logged on my Final Fantasy 12 game and I recently realized that I am only about ¾ of the way through it. For all of you that care: all characters are currently at level 43 and I just beat the Tyrant dragon boss. For all of you that don’t care: Final Fantasy is still cooler than you, crumb.

On the work front, I have yet another presentation next week, this time for the Board of ING Life. The key words for this project are speed and conciseness. I only have about 20 minutes to give a review of their Ethics Management system that we have been researching for over a year. Apparently most people here don’t like high-end presentations because there is too much pressure. I can see why. We have 20 minutes to show them why it justifies contracting another year long project with us. Essentially, the presenter can fuck up a year’s worth of work for many people in a third of an hour. I love the pressure, I live for it. I like watching my colleague’s worried eyes as we walk into the room, its pure hilarity. I guess it’s the job of the young, gung-ho new-hire to not grasp the gravity of the situation at hand but I think it’s just that reason that I do well in these things.

On a side note, I sat in on a presentation I helped design this week for the Japanese ophthalmology company, Santen. They had the Japanese CEO and CFO there who I quickly introduced to myself in Japanese. Even though it has become a bit rusty, I can still get around pretty well and the 2 guys loved me for it. I found out the CEO actually lives like a 5 minute walk from where I used to dorm in Inage. Small world. Anyway, this made the atmosphere of the presentation a little more friendly which helped my friend give a great presentation. I hope to go out drinking with the Japanese guys soon. It’s been too long since I’ve drank with a Japanese businessman. It’s kind of like drinking with your cool uncle back home, only shorter.

Ah yes, it’s almost Christmas. It’s funny how my almost complete lack of Christian values and way of life don’t stop me from enjoying this holiday. I’m not saying that I only enjoy the commercial end, I mean actually still do get the “Christmas Spirit” around this time. Well, I’m not going to blow my load on this post as far as Christmas is concerned, I’ll save a whole new post for that next week.

Finally, I’ll end with a few pictures of my workplace. Enjoy.



This is right when you get off on the elevator on the 9th floor

My throne of power. See the upside-down water bottle? That's my humidifier.

The view from the bathroom window.

View from the water jug.

Some funny English for you. Okay, the advertisement was actually for an English school trying to point out that the sentence was funny English but still, funny nonetheless.

Out of Shape and Pet Peevitry

Another humpday is upon us, which means another post for the blog.

First, I’d like to start with our company basketball game.

Yesterday the AC Nielsen Korea team played our HSBC client team. I guess it’s kind of a heated rivalry since everyone at the office was telling me we had to beat them no matter what. I was told that the series is a pretty even split but that the HSBC team was decidedly more athletic than us. My synopsis is this: they were all height and we were all speed.

Standing at about an even 6 feet tall, I am probably the tallest player on our team. The shortest guy on their team seemed to be at least 2 inches taller than me while the tallest was probably 4 or 5 inches taller than me. The game was split into 4 15 minute quarters and was standard full court. I was almost dead. I can’t believe how out of shape I have become. I used to be able to run full court games for hours and hours on end with no visible signs of fatigue. By the end of the second quarter I was pretty winded but we also had a 30-4 lead. I scored the first 9 points for our team but pretty much played defense the rest of the time. We ended up coasting to a 65-50 win but if the game would have went another quarter, we probably would have lost since they gained a lot of momentum near the end. I’m not sure how many points I had but I had almost 30 rebounds. It was fun and I’m glad we won. We made plans to play again next month so I’m looking forward to that now.

My recent experiences playing basketball have made me realize something: I’m getting old and out of shape. This is not something a 25 year old should be saying and it disgusts me. Therefore, I have decided to start a basketball training regiment like I used to do in college. I need to cut out smoking and drinking (except for maybe on occasional Fridays or Saturdays) and I need to start training like I used to. I will not let up until I am back to my old form and dominating these games we play completely. I estimate if I start my training next week, I will be back to about 60 or 70% in about 3 or 4 months. At that time I will post pictures showing my progress. Hell, I’ll even set a date for it, April 1st. Let’s see what I can do, shall we?

Next, after working in an office again for almost a month, I’ve realized all my old office pet peeves are still there. I sometimes feel like an asshole because I think like this, but other times I think, fuck them, they should stop being assholes. Whatever, here is a short, non-exclusive list of my office pet peeves:

1) People who take the elevator to the 2nd or 3rd floor. Goddamn your lazy ass, take the fucking stairs, it’s not like it’s going to kill you. If you do not suffer from some sort of physical malady, you shouldn’t be taking the elevator to the 2nd or 3rd floor.

2) People who don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. I do not want to shake your hand after you have just finished holding your penis or wiping your ass. Wash your damn hands.

3) Ass-kissers. Look, I understand we all need to get ahead in life. You should do that by showing your abilities, not overly complimenting someone in power so they will like you. Close your honey-dripping shit-covered mouth.

4) People who huddle around the water jug like cattle. If you want to socialize while pretending to do work, you might want to do it in a less cliché place. Also, please stop pretending like you weren’t having a conversation when people walk into the room, chances are they don’t care what you are saying anyways.

For the purposes of keeping this post short, I will stop here. Maybe I’ll add more on a later post but for now, I’m done. Just making this list is making me angry.

That’s my post for this humpday. I hope you all have a pleasant one.


Oh yeah, and here is my business card format. If you can't see it too well, sorry, I'll give you one when I see you. Whoever you are.

Engrish or English?

Ahh, English. The native language of people hailing from America, Canada, Australia, England, and a score of other countries. It is also, for some freaky reason, the international language of choice by most of the world. It has become so important to be able to communicate in English in some countries that complete losers fresh out of college can get a job teaching it in some countries (even losers with HUGE noses and long, shitty blonde hair). Ha.

I also have “beautifying English” as one of my main objectives at my current job. While I have a lot of trouble turning sometimes horrible English into “beautiful” English, it also allows me to come across such gems as “cummarize”, which was a friend of mine’s attempt at typing “summarize”.

(Note: The word “cummarize” is hereby mine and mine alone. Nobody without written consent of me shall ever be able to use this word. It’s MINE MINE MINE!!! HAHAHA)

Back to the point.

I was wondering the other day about English and it’s applications. If there are more “broken” speakers of English in the world than native speakers, why is native English still so important? I know the textbook answer to this, however, I truly wonder why sometimes.

I have been laughing for years at sites like funny.engrish and others like it. I participated in a scavenger hunt where one of the objectives was to take pictures of “funny” English around town. I had to explain to a friend why the shirt we seen online that said “War is Homo” in pink letters was not appropriate. There are thousands of things you can find on the internet dedicated to “funny” English. I have been told by colleagues that they have an easier time understanding “broken” English than native English. It's almost uncanny that we as native speakers can hold so much sway over the more populated "broken" speakers.

So my question is this: When will native English stop being important in places where there aren’t natives? When will “funny” English be the standard of all standards when it comes to English. Will there be a time when all native speakers have to go to language schools to learn “broken” English? Does it matter?

I hope this elicits some comments because I am really interested in reading about people have to say about this.

Really I’m not. The only two reasons I made this blog post was to a) post something since I haven’t since last week and b) call out my dibs on the word “cummarize”. I apologize for the inconvenience of reading this post. You can disregard it. I never really thought most of the thoughts above. I just needed something to disguise my true purpose.

Sorry.

Haha… Cummarize.






Oh...and on a side note. Props to good ol' Doug for still having these OLD school pictures from our time in Chiba. See ya in a few months fucker.

This is me as a Japanese school girl. I think I looked more like Janis Joplin, but whatever, the elements are all there.

No, we're not drunk in this picture. Yes, we am.

The Japanese in this sign is absolutely priceless. If you can't read Japanese, here's a translation: Learn to read Japanese.

This is an ancient tradition in Japan where someone sits in the drunk chair and Doug shoves a broom in their face.

Humpday

I don't even know when the word "humpday" fell into my vocabulary as a way to describe Wednesday. I actually don't even like using it, i just do. Kinda like public bathrooms or other people's toothbrushes when you sleep over. Whatever, today is humpday.

As usual, I mostly only have work-related stuff to share since I'm still getting settled in my neighborhood and don't go out much lately. Once I get fully settled in though, I'm sure I'll be back to my old antics. Bet you can't wait.

Either way, here it goes.

I just finished a presentation today for the board of Buy The Way, a convenience store here in Korea. I put some effort into it, but I didn't really try as hard as I could of (the story of my life). Basically, it was me, my 2 co-workers who had actually been working on the project for its entirety (about 6 months), 4 investors from Hong Kong, the president and CEO of Buy The Way and 3 random Korean-Hong Kongers. I was probably the youngest person in the room by a couple decades and I had an hour long presentation (which turned into 2 hours with all the questions) to do on a company I barely know using notes from research I hadn't done.

I smelt disaster.

My sense of smell must have been off though since everyone gave me great feedback and applause. The president knew that I hadn't actually worked on the research since he had been in on it since the beginning and apparently I surprised him with my knowledge of the subject matter. I must say it was kinda humbling being in front of all of these people who are the big swinging dicks in their companies and have all of their eyes focusing directly on me and what I'm saying. On the other hand though, I felt the power. HA. I don't know what else to call it. It was a great experience to say the least and now my company will hopefully keep giving me high-profile clients to present to. The challenge, the uncertainty, I fucking love it.

It also seems that I will be getting my business cards today. One side English and the other side Hindi. Just kidding, Korean. Once I get my hands on them I will post a picture or something. I'm sure it's pretty easy to see how elated I am currently, but whatever, I'm feeling pretty damn good at recent developments.

On the home front, nothing has changed except the size of the ass-print on my quasi-couch from sitting and incessantly playing Final Fantasy 12. That and watching Venture Brothers. My home life pretty much consists of those two things and sleeping. I also shower occasionally. I will be calling the cable/internet/phone guy this weekend and hopefully get everything I need in those departments installed. I also need the curtain-hanger guy to come over and hand some curtains for me eventually. I hate not being able to walk around my house naked without people looking at me. Sometimes I do anyways for their enjoyment.

So to sum up this post: presentation, name card, elation, ass-print, quasi-couch, naked.

Yep, that'll do it.

Oh yeah, and felk. I love that word.

A real taste

Week two is almost officially in the books and what a week it has been. While the beginning of the week started off in Week one fashion, it ended completely differently.

As you all know, Week one was a bust, all I did was sit around on my ass and search internet sites. By the end of yesterday though, it was starting to look like a whole different monster. I have been attending mandatory training sessions for the last week and they can be pure hell. It's not so much the sitting in the same chair for hours on end as it is attempting to learn the materials when it is taught completely in Korean. I will be the first to admit that my Korean is not that good (despite attempts by my co-workers to convince me otherwise) and I cannot pretend that I understand more than about 20 percent of what they are talking about during these sessions. I mean, they are discussing quantitative analysis studies and how they relate to consumer behavior in a language I have been studying for about a year and a half at speeds that even my co-workers say is too fast. On top of it, I have homework for the sessions almost everyday. Then they wonder why I can't complete it.

"It would take me at least 3 weeks to complete this since it is completely in Korean."

"Umm...okay..can you turn it in tomorrow?"

"No, because by my math, tomorrow would be 1 day, not 3 weeks."

"Oh, okay, don't worry about it."

(shrugs shoulders, goes back to looking at nba.com)

Not that I don't want to learn the material, it's just I insisted on having the necessary materials in English. So, I finally get the materials in English yesterday covering all of the models and discussion materials and then I am asked to take the test today.

"Umm..just got the materials yesterday..."

"Oh..so you can take the test?"

"No, because I haven't had time to cover all of the material."

"But it's in English."

"Yes, but unfortunately, I am yet incapable of reading 100 pages a minute."

"Oh, okay, you can take it next time."

Obviously, there are some communication barriers that need to be overcome by management and most of the staff here since I was told last night by my boss that I shouldn't even be going to these sessions. So after sitting at a computer screen for 5 mind-numbing hours in a row having a lady talk into my ear about how to manipulate a program I will never use, I get this information from my boss. Needless to say, it has been a bit frustrating but as always, I will get through it.

The projects I am working on, on the other hand, are very fun. I am covering a project for Johnson & Johnson while simultaneously preparing for a presentation for Buy The Way, a convienience store chain. I have a lot of groundwork to cover and a shitload of notes to memorize, but it is very challenging and fun. I am interested to see what this job turns into. I am sure I will be regretting that statement in the near future too...

In other news, last night was the official "welcome the new guys" party. About 25 or us went out for Sam Gyup Sal (kinda like thick-ass bacon, yummy) and lots of Soju. They wanted to see if I was a strong drinker...they found out the hard way. Now half the company knows not to lay their livers on the table when it comes to drinking with me.

"Wow, you're a strong drinker!"

"Wow, you're not, drink."

I shall conclude this week's rant with more pictures. Enjoy.


My new bed. Yes, the blanket is green. But it is so much more comfortable than whatever rag you will be curling up in tonight.













This is my official work badge. The Korean above my name, when literally translated, means: "is much cooler than you, dick". Actually it's my name.












This picture was just precious. I can't even remember how long ago this was taken. Thanks Marc! Sorry Ralph :(

To be fair, you can see me all painted up at my friend George's site. www.gromeiser.blogspot.com
Enjoy